Losing Touch (Rough Draft)

I pull her trembling arms around my broad waist and embrace her into my welcoming arms. She smiles weakly up at me, as tears glisten in her light gray eyes. I remove a strand of damp hair from her face and put a gentle kiss on her nose. Her pain, fear, anxiety was radiating to me. All the feelings I'd been attempting to keep afar were closing in on me, tightening my chest, churning my stomach. I felt bile oozing up, though I kept it at bay for her sake. Everything I did these days was for her.
"Everything's going to go fine. And I'll be there every step of the way. You know that." She nods subtly and takes a deep, shaky breath. She doesn't look herself, as if she were there no more. she looks as if she had taken her most joyous being out so it wouldn't have to witness what was about to happen. I don't blame her. This will change her, for good or bad, I don't know. I refuse to allow my mind to wander to the bad, the "what if's", the "If only things could change a little." They bring me down, make me cry myself to sleep every night. She hasn't seen me cry. She thinks I'm strong, that I'm the rock of her life. Rocks have emotions, or at least this one does; but when one has an person holding on to them for dear life, emotions are hidden away in the deepest cavities until reprieve can be given.
Listening to the nurse explain the procedure is cruel, the bile choosing this time to make its journey back up my sore throat. I rest my head in my hands and concentrate on the hypnotic pattern of the tiles below my feet. Just put a needle in and let it drip in. Yeah, that's easy, I think to myself, venom coursing through the road map of my mind. Soon enough, the nurse says she's going to start. Her voice is as sullen as our moods are, and I offer Kentasha my hand. She shakes her head and focuses on the nurse's actions.
I hear a deep breath pull into her body as the needle goes in, escaping when it's in place. The nurse says it'll take a while to complete, but it's not like we have anywhere to go. I lift my head when she's gone and look at my sister-the sister I've been with through thick and thin. Life seems to be throwing a lot of thickness our way recently, but we're trudging through thus far. Offering her my hand, she grabs it with her free arm and looks down at how mangled her brother's hand has become. She doesn't pull up my hoodie sleeve for fear of what she'd see. She has to suffer pain, then I will too. I've told her I stopped a long time ago, that those were just bruises from previous sessions. She believes me so far and that's how it's staying.
"Remember the time when I had to have that tooth pulled?" The question is random, her scratchy voice filling the room. The room that will become our best friend, our shield from the rain. The room that offered the only possible ray of sunshine in our dim lives at the moment. This would be the room of miracles, or the room of pain and sorrow. I'm praying for the room to produce the former one.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Remember how you screamed and cried that the doctor didn't know what he was talking about, that he was a quack and why couldn't they take one of your teeth instead of mine? You sure raised hell to be 9." Her laugh makes me smile as I reminisce. "Sound like any current situation?"
I nod silently. "Yeah. You're my baby sister. What kid gets their tooth pulled at 7? What kid freaking...." my voice trails and trembles rack my large frame. They began cascading quicker and quicker together until I was shaking. I let go of her hand and left the room, breaking down as large sobs broke through the quietness of the hospital. I had to have been out there for 15 minutes or more. When I reentered the room, Kentasha was leaning her head back, half in a doze. Her face was damp and I know she had been crying. I have failed yet again to keep my sister happy.
She looks up at me and smiles. "Tear jerking story huh?"
I don't respond. I sit by her side again and brush her hair. The long, brunette mass was soft and smelled like strawberries. "Go to sleep. You know we can talk on the way home."
"You know that's not gonna happen," she whispers softly. I know, but I'm not going to admit it. My stomach has been doing flips at the thought of what stands ahead. I have everything to make it more comfortable, but from what I've heard, it's not much I can do.
"Well, we'll talk later then. You need to sleep." She hasn't slept in nearly a week aside sporadic naps here and there. I usually stay in her room until she dozes, and fall asleep on her. I continue to apologize, but she has stopped listening. I want to apologize for all she's going through, and all she will go through. I want to apologize for the pain in which I feel I've caused her, but I want to apologize for it not being me going through it. I'm stronger and I can deal with it. Why her?

As expected, the ride home is gruesome. The sound of regurgitation fills my car and I can't stop the tears from falling. I hold her hair as best I can and wonder whether her trembling is normal. "I hate throwing up," she whines.
"I know..It'll stop soon enough." Would it ever stop though? Would this episode be something that would become a part in her life? Would it be the thing to take her life, leaving me alone to mourn and hate myself? If God existed, then this will come out fine..right?

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To be continued...

Man in the Mirror (Michael Jackson)

I'm Gonna Make A Change, For Once In My Life It's Gonna Feel Real Good, Gonna Make A Difference Gonna Make It Right . . .

The narrator seems to be indicating their desire to make a change and the change they plan to make is going to be one to overcome all the mess they've done in their life. It seems as though they're trying to correct a wrong committed, as they say they're "gonna make it right."
As I, Turn Up The Collar On My Favorite Winter Coat This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind I See The Kids In The Street, With Not Enough To Eat Who Am I, To Be Blind? Pretending Not To See Their Needs

Imagery is used here to show the narrator on a street seeing children who don't have enough food to satisfy their hunger. It's possible that they're physical hunger initiates a mental hunger in him that begins blowing at his mind, causing him to become unable to ignore the desires of the children or other people who are in need (physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally)

A Summer's Disregard, A Broken Bottle Top And A One Man's Soul They Follow Each Other On The Wind Ya' Know 'Cause They Got Nowhere To Go That's Why I Want You To Know

"A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top, and a man's one soul" are all correlated in the fact that they are easily forgotten. School is a summer's disregard for many children as they don't have to worry about it for about 3 months, a broken bottle top is useless because it can no longer fasten the bottle close and there is probably a man's soul who has been discarded by many and he feels as though it cannot be mended. They're all just "wafting in the wind" because they have no specific place to be and can merge to wherever is convenient

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place (If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place) Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change (Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change) (Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah)

The narrator states that changing the person in which everyone sees in the mirror whenever they look into it is a step in the right direction when it comes to changing the world. Before one can convince others to change, he/she needs to convince him/herself. After said task is complete, advocating your cause for change to the world has gotten easier.

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish Kind Of Love It's Time That I Realize That There Are Some With No Home, Not A Nickel To Loan Could It Be Really Me, Pretending That They're Not Alone?

The narrator's use of "victim" indicates he/she did not choose to become part of the self type of life, as if it were instinct to fall into it. This could be a symbolism for society's contribution to making the average person selfish and self-centered, indicating that we should live for ourselves and not others. Because of this blindness, the narrator is now saying that it's time to take off the blindfold and realizes that there are people who are not well-off, having no home or extra money to loan. Though there are many people like them, they often feel and are alone to fend for themselves.

A Willow Deeply Scarred, Somebody's Broken Heart And A Washed-Out Dream (Washed-Out Dream) They Follow The Pattern Of The Wind, Ya' See Cause They Got No Place To Be That's Why I'm Starting With Me (Starting With Me!)

A deeply scarred willow, a broken heart and a washed-out dream follow the pattern of pain and often irresponsibility on those who are supposed to take care of them. A willow's deep scars will not go away, neither will the pain and remembrance from a person's heart being broken or the hurt from having a dream not come true. These things are often forgotten (or so they wish to be, thus their having no place to really be. The narrator brings relevance to his/her theme by stating that they're starting with themselves, they'll keep those things symbolized by the willow, the broken heart and washed out dream from happening to others.

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror (Ooh!) I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways (Ooh!) And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place (If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place) Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change (Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror (Ooh!) I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways (Change His Ways-Ooh!) And No Message Could've Been Any Clearer If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place (If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place) Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make That . . . (Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make That . . .) Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror, (Man In The Mirror-Oh Yeah!) I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways (Better Change!) No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer (If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place) (Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make The Change) (You Gotta Get It Right, While You Got The Time) ('Cause When You Close Your Heart) You Can't Close Your . . .Your Mind! (Then You Close Your . . . Mind!)

That Man, That Man, That Man, That Man With That Man In The Mirror (Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!) That Man, That Man, That Man I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways (Better Change!) You Know . . .That Man No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place (If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place) Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change (Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change)

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah (Oh Yeah!) Gonna Feel Real Good Now! Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah! Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah (Ooooh . . .) Oh No, No No . . . I'm Gonna Make A Change It's Gonna Feel Real Good! Come On! (Change . . .) Just Lift Yourself You Know You've Got To Stop It. Yourself! (Yeah!-Make That Change!) I've Got To Make That Change, Today! Hoo! (Man In The Mirror) You Got To You Got To Not Let Yourself . . . Brother . . . Hoo! (Yeah!-Make That Change!)

You Know-I've Got To Get That Man, That Man . . . (Man In The Mirror) You've Got To You've Got To Move! Come On! Come On! You Got To . . . Stand Up! Stand Up! Stand Up! (Yeah-Make That Change) Stand Up And Lift Yourself, Now! (Man In The Mirror) Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Aaow! (Yeah-Make That Change) Gonna Make That Change . . . Come On! (Man In The Mirror) You Know It! You Know It! You Know It! You Know . . . (Change . . .) Make That Change.

The last few stanzas reiterate what the third stanza stated by making the change within oneself first. This repetition allows the beat and theme to stand out-change takes place in the heart first, then spreads to those around the. The repetition pumps the strength and truth of the words into the listener and while one does not realize it, it is this chorus that is often sang time and time again and is the most remembered part of the song/poem. It also reiterates a predominant theme and saying-change must first occur in the heart that wants the change to occur for it to have any affect on those around them.